FOR PARTNERS
Did she just say those 3 words? Not “I love you,” the other 3. “I am pregnant.”
Planned or not, those 3 words always come with a shock and a rush of emotions. This is likely new territory for you. You may not be sure how to navigate not only YOUR feelings regarding this pregnancy, but also hers. We have a few helpful suggestions here for you.
DO
- Listen. She may have conflicting emotions about this pregnancy and what the next stage of life is going to look like. Be available to her to hear her fears and concerns.
- Talk about it. While she is the mother, you are the father. You should be willing to speak about your own fears and concerns. Additionally, tell your support system about the pregnancy. You may feel relived to have more support than you anticipated.
- Be honest. Don’t tell her just what she wants to hear, but kindly express your viewpoint so that you two can make a plan and be on the same page moving forward, be it parenting, adoption or abortion.
- Offer to attend appointments. This is a great chance for you to bond with your partner and your baby, and she may want your support during medical appointments. Also consider attending pregnancy classes with her so you can learn about your baby’s development and how to adjust to life with a newborn.
DON’T
- Pressure her. She may be facing a lot of pressure regarding this pregnancy already, maybe from friends or parents. Don’t add to her pressure. Be a supportive outlet for her.
- Bail. Be a present partner. You need to work with her to make a plan for this pregnancy, and for your child’s life. And if you choose to not be father figure, you may still be a financial support.
- Forget your influence. Take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts before you say something you can’t take back. You matter to her, your opinion matters to her, and you should use your influence gently.